Love Me 'Til My Heart Stops

“I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.”

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother; for those were some of the best times of my life.”

Let's Make Cupcakes!

So, I've never really been that big of a fan of cake, I've always preferred pie. But I have recently fallen in love with cupcakes. I think they are the cutest things. I guess it started awhile back when I got these cute little pink cupcake earrings (earrings are another love of mine). They just make me happy. And then, with my recent love of WeHeartIt.com, I've saved tons of cute cupcake images. So I decided I would love to own a bunch of cupcake supplies and make cupcakes. People love cupcakes. They're cute and make people happy. And they're delicious of course! I wish I could own a little cupcake shop, but I'm no expert. So instead, I will make cupcakes for myself and people I know just for fun. I went to the store this week and bought a vanilla funfetti cake mix, a strawberry cake mix, vanilla frosting, a big tub of sprinkles, and some sugar cookie dough (to make heart and star-shaped cookies as well!). My first experiment: strawberry cupcakes with vanilla frosting and sprinkles. They were so delicious and it was so fun. Here's some pictures of them and soon I hope to have more supplies to make even cuter cupcakes! Oh, and one of those cupcake cake pans to make a giant cupcake!

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough + Cupcake = The BEST Cupcake. Ever.

(I'm going to try making these cupcakes. They sound good!)

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips

1 (18.25 ounce) box yellow cake mix
1 1/3 cups water
1/3 cup canola oil
3 eggs

Directions
1. Whisk together the flour, baking soda, and sea salt; set aside. Beat the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar with an electric mixer in a large bowl until smooth. Add 1 egg and the vanilla extract and beat until smooth. Mix in the flour mixture until just incorporated. Fold in the chocolate chips; mixing just enough to evenly combine. Form the dough into tablespoon-sized balls; place onto a baking sheet, and freeze until solid, about 2 hours.
2. Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line 24 muffin cups with paper liners.
3. Beat 3 eggs in a large bowl with an electric mixer to break up. Add the cake mix, water, and canola oil; continue beating for 2 minutes on medium speed. Spoon into the prepared cupcake liners, filling each 2/3 full. Place a frozen cookie dough ball on the top center of each cupcake.
4. Bake in the preheated oven until a toothpick inserted into the cake portion of the cupcake (not the cookie dough ball) comes clean, about 20 minutes. Cool in the pans for 10 minutes before removing to cool completely on a wire rack.

Heartfelt

Recently, there have been a few things that have really made me realize certain things and see the beauty in life.
1. My Humanities 1300 class: Our teacher really wants us to focus on how what we learn can affect and be applied in our own lives. I have been able to relate to this class personally so much and I have learned a lot. It has to do with art, culture, history, mythology, philosophy, and psychology and human nature. It has made me see some of my own flaws, what I need to do in my life, and why I have done certain things in my life so far. I've seen that this is how life works, this is how we learn. I feel lucky to realize some things about myself that some people will never discover.
2. WeHeartIt.com (my personal page is http://weheartit.com/wishdreamhope): I'm in love with this website. All it is is a social bookmarking site, but for images. People save their favorite images to their account and you can follow each other and save your own images. I love browsing through these images. They are inspiring, beautiful, lovely, and amazing. I become slightly obsessed whenever I go to the site. It is also extremely interesting to see that there are a lot of people who think like me because whenever I see someone save a bunch of images that I find lovely and I look at their page, I see that everything they've saved would be something that I too would save or have already saved. It's also interesting that these people and I who share an eye for these certain lovely things have common interests in general. I've never experienced that kind of likeness on any other site.
3. Music: I have a love for music and I have realized I need it in my life. It sounds sillly, but it really opens up my heart, my soul, my emotions. It makes me feel. I feel the pain, I feel the joy, I see the beauty. If I hadn't met a certain person, I probably would've never had the chance to have such a beautiful thing in my life. A few days ago, I went to an Imogen Heap concert with my friend Becky. It was amazing. I loved the music, the atmosphere, the people who loved the same thing. It made me long for more, realize my need for it, and miss being with people who enjoy it as well.
4. Reading and PostSecret: PostSecret is an art project where people send in their secrets anonymously. They are written on beautiful, creative, artisic postcards and printed in books and online. I've read a couple of the books and they were amazing. It was slightly depressing to see everyones secrets, but it is a beautiful idea and it made me think of my own secrets. It's good to know that everyone has secrets and there is only one person who knew every secret about me. I've also been reading a lot more recently because I have a love for books and words and I've missed it. It's hard to find the time. But I've found some great books and reading really opens up your mind.
5. What I have learned from these things collectively: It's a secret. But lets just say I know myself better and know what I want in my life and what makes me happy and what I miss and need.

Not All Girls Are Like That

I had to post another Facebook conversation on here because some interesting stuff came up and I wanted to remember it. Surprisingly, some great conversations with valuable information about how guys and girls view things come up. Basically, a guy friend of mine and his friend seemed to think that every girl they knew or dated ended up marrying someone who was old, bald, and rich. Another girl and I responded to them and let them know that that's not always how it is and gave them some advice.

BR:
Old, Bald, and Rich... apparently those are the three things that I lack...

SL:
you forgot why you lack them.... apparently these are the three things ALL girls look for in guys...... especially all my ex-girlfriends....

BR:
SL... that is correct...

NMF:
ur friend SL is mistaken...not ALL girls look for old bald and rich, look at me i don't want ANY of those and i'm a girl :D

SL:
i think that's what i'm going to write my exploratory paper on..... it's so fascinating how this phenomenon happens....

SL:
hey NMF, i don't know. just send me a picture of the dude you get married to and we'll see, ha ha. me and BR just were thinking one night of all the guys these girls have married and they had all those three things in common

Ashley Schmidt:
Wow guys, you are just silly! I don't even know what you're talking about! That is not always true! Maybe you just haven't met the right type of girl and need to branch out from the girls you typically know who are like this.

Ashley Schmidt:
Sorry guys, one more thing... I promise you not ALL girls look for those things, but the ones that do, don't even worry about it. Maybe they're happy and maybe they're not. And if they're not, it's their loss, honestly, because they didn't see what truly matters. Haha, ok sorry, we just talked about this in school and I was just thinking about it!

NMF:
hahaha SL! ummm the man i will marry will not be bald, rich or old silly silly. when that time comes i'll prove it to u! and like ashley said you need to branch out and find the right girls...these girls you seem to run into um appear to be looking for the wrong things yup lol :D

SL:
i don't know what it is ha ha, true true, branching out is a good idea, Here's a question..... where are those types of girls that aren't like that...... cause it seems all my life it's been like this...........ha ha.....

NMF:
well SL the key...these girls are ALL around you you just have to know what to look for and apaprently you're lookin' for the wrong things and possibly the wrong girls :D

Ashley Schmidt:
Yes, true. And sometimes it's hard to tell, but...
1. Maybe you're talking to some right now, haha. Just kidding :)
2. Maybe not in Utah? No, just kidding, you can find them here, I promise.
3. Ask yourself, what do you typically look for? You can't go only for looks, attraction is good, but that's just the lowest step. There has to be more than that. Friendship is good, common interest, things to talk about or enjoy or find interesting about each other, even if you're different. Then, I would say look for someone who is smart and I don't know, not so naive in a way that they're not very intellectual. Also look for people who are caring and compassionate, girls who help others, and work hard because these girls will truly care about you and not just money or age or whatever the problem is. So where do you find these girls? Everywhere, and I would say good places such as school. Maybe places that you enjoy and you'll meet some girl who does too. Just get to know different people, look for different things than you usually do, and just be yourself and live your life the best you can because there will be someone that you just click with. It happens. Honestly, don't even worry. Don't feel pressure or something from those people getting married. Everything will all work out and you never know when you'll meet someone special. Haha, sorry, I tend to write a lot, but I hope you feel less hopeless. Or, you could just think I'm crazy! And that's ok too, because I know what I say is true.

SL:
dang ashley, you need to write a book :) that's a lot of good advice

BR:
hear hear! true that SL, good advice!

NMF:
ASHLEY! that's BRILLIANT! you said it best! don't think anyone could say it better! support u all the way girl! boys...take her advice to heart, she speaks the truth....the WHOLE truth!

Ashley Schmidt:
Haha, thanks guys, it's nothing much, I just do what I can to help a brother out! Because I know girls are confusing. I even think so! Haha, a book? It's crossed my mind once or twice when I think of these things, but only for a second. I'm no expert. But if you guys ever need any advice or whatever, you now know who's got a lot of probably unwanted advice. :) Here's a good quote for ya, "True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." Nobody is perfect, but you will find someone who, in your eyes, is. And with these words, I leave you on your journey. Haha, don't you love that cheesiness? It makes me proud. And again, look how much I wrote! It's a sickness.

Ashley Schmidt:
Oh, and thanks NMF! You're sweet! And I totally agree with everything you said too!

BR:
I don't think you need a book ashley. Just copy and paste. haha jk

SL:
"True love does not come by finding the perfect person, buy by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly" we need to talk more about this stuff more often....

Ashley Schmidt:
Haha BR! True! And I will in fact probably copy and paste this to remember it and maybe post it in my blog. Although I won't include names of course. I did that before with another good facebook conversation I had where I had asked a question about guys, and some guys, and girls, answered me and I got some really good answers and different points of view. And SL, yes, it's true. Society makes us see things a certain way, but there is a lot more to it. And that stuff I said just comes from things I've learned in life so far and things I've learned in school. I guess some of those things came from a discussion we had in my humanities class about Carl Jung and his theory of individuation. And we read the myth, Amor and Psyche, which, at first hand seems like a story about a really stupid girl who gets everything handed to her, but it actually represents the process of individuation and her becoming her "whole" self. Anyways, those things, and that quote I actually found the day before I wrote it here, are how I answered these questions and maybe you could look into them yourself. I know they made me see things more clearly.

Ashley Schmidt:
But when it really comes down to it, just do what makes you happy and be with someone who makes you happy. There's no wrong choice, it's just that some people don't realize or haven't learned certain things about themselves and others, and so it doesn't always work out. And some people just aren't meant for each other. But there are plenty of people who it will work out with, or you'll find these things together. That's what life's about right? It's a journey. Ok, wow, just tell me to shut up already. I definitely don't talk this much, but when I get writing, it's easier for me to put down my thoughts. :)

Fave Websites

These are some awesome, entertaining, and funny websites that are some of my faves (besides Facebook, Blogger, etc.):

Humor:
http://www.graphjam.com/ (Music & Culture for People Who Love Charts)
http://www.failblog.org/ (Funny FAIL Pictures and Videos)
http://www.totallylookslike.com/ (Funny Look-Alikes and Doppelgangers)
http://www.engrishfunny.com/ (Funny English Mistakes)
http://www.roflrazzi.com/ (Lol Celebs and All That's Fab Funny in Showbiz)
http://www.onceuponawin.com/ (A Visual Collection of Epic Wins from the Past)
http://www.cracked.com/ (America's Only Humor & Video Site, Since 1958)
http://www.fmylife.com/ (It's Funny, it's True, Except When it Happens to You)

Entertainment:
http://www.bored.com/ (Burn Your Boredom)
http://www.neopets.com/ (Create Pets & Play Games)
http://www.faceinhole.com/ (Who Do You Want to be Today?)
http://www.girlgames4u.com/ (Free Online Games for Girls - Makeovers, Fashion)
http://www.youtube.com/ (Broadcast Yourself - Videos)

Stores:
http://www.ebay.com/ (Online Auctions)
http://www.amazon.com/ (Buy & Sell Online)
http://www.forever21.com/ (Clothing Store)
http://www.modcloth.com/ (Mod, Retro, Indie Clothing)
http://www.ksl.com/ (Utah Classified Ads)

Info:
http://www.mentalfloss.com/ (Where Knowledge Junkies Get Their Fix)
http://www.answers.yahoo.com/ (Ask Questions, Share Knowledge, Help Others, Earn Points)
http://www.wikipedia.org/ (Free Online Encyclopedia)
http://www.associatedcontent.com/ (Articles on All Topics)

Fun:
http://www.desktopnexus.com/ (Reinvent Your Desktop - Wallpapers)
http://www.babynames.com/ (Names & Meanings)
http://www.allrecipes.com/ (Recipes)
http://www.quoteland.com/ (Quotes)
http://www.vampirenerd.com/ (Vampire Musings for Vampire Nerds, by Vampire Nerds)
http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/ (Anonymous Secrets)
http://www.utahhumane.org/ (Humane Society)
http://www.petfinder.com/ (Pets for Sale/ Adoption)

Media:
http://www.smithstix.com/ (Concert & Event Listings & Tickets)
http://www.slco.lib.ut.us/ (Library)
http://www.weheartit.com/ (Inspiring Images)
http://www.movies.yahoo.com/ (Now Playing & Upcoming Movies)
http://www.megaplextheatres.com/ (Movie Theatres)
http://www.hulu.com/ (Watch Your Favorite TV Shows for Free)
http://www.netflix.com/ (Rent Movies)
http://www.fatfin.com/ (Graywhale)
http://www.music.yahoo.com/ (Music Info. & Videos)

My Tragic Flaw

Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself. I know I am a great person and have some really good qualities and a lot to offer people. But sometimes, I don't let this be seen. I freeze up and can't say the things I think in my head. Or sometimes I just go blank. I do not like this, because I don't want to ruin things for myself. It's easier for me to talk and freely be myself when I know someone well, but why can't I be like that all the time? I'm tired of it. Or maybe I really have done nothing with my life and I just can't relate to people because I don't compare to them. I do not like this feeling... I guess we'll see. I guess I can only try my best each day and in each situation and see what comes of it. I just don't want to have regrets. I want to know I did my best. But a lot of times I disappoint myself. Maybe I'm too hard on myself, too much of a perfectionist. I know I have a lot of fears that hold me back. This is my tragic flaw. I have struggled with this in my life and I've come a long way just from the sheer power of my mind over matter and forcing myself to face things that I would otherwise avoid. And these things are easier and I've been able to relate more to people with time and repetition. I just wish it came naturally to me is all. I hope that some people can see the real me and understand me. Maybe I just need to keep certain empowering phrases at the fore-front of my mind at all times: Just do it. (haha, oh Nike, what a great phrase.) Be positive. Be happy. You can do this. You're beautiful, smart, sweet, and unique. Don't care what people think. Try your best. Be yourself. Today is a new day. Or, in the words of my favorite band Stars, Today will be better, I swear.

Being Nice Doesn't Always Mean I Want You

I asked this question on Facebook about a month ago and got some good responses:

Ashley Schmidt wonders why, oh why, guys think that just because I'm nice to them (because I'm nice to everyone), they think I like them or they have a chance with me or something. Can't I just be nice? And since when does being nice to someone give them the right to pester you? Then you have to be a heartbreaker. Geez...

JH:
Maybe those particular guys aren't usually treated very nice.. Or, maybe they like you, and they think it's obvious to you, so when you're nice back and don't "turn" from it, they think you like them. Just a thought.

Ashley Schmidt:
Yeah, I think you're absolutely right about all of what you said.

JH:
Haha.. I've had personal experience with it.. Only the other way around.

Ashley Schmidt:
:(

JH:
Haha.. No, no sadness. Like I said, I was in the better position. :)

Ashley Schmidt:
Hmm, that's good. :) Sometimes it's just hard, because not everyone is meant to be together, but you still want to be nice and friendly, and when they take it the wrong way and they go for someone just because they give them the time of day and not because they actually like you, it just doesn't go well. I don't know, it's confusing.

JS:
maybe they're attracted to nice people? i'm a nice guy, i like nice girls.

Ashley Schmidt:
Yeah, thanks for your thoughts guys, it helps. I just don't like people to be sad.

JH:
You both make good points. :). It's true though, people get hurt when they only have the kindest of intentions. But getting turned down is practice for helping them realize how the game works. Just be nice when you do it is all. Haha

JS:
totally, and be upfront...nothing is worse than being lead on

Ashley Schmidt:
Yeah, that's probably my problem, I should be more upfront from the start. Thanks for the advice. It helps to see how girls and guys view this stuff!

AS:
I totally agree with you on that! I often wonder the same thing!

Ashley Schmidt:
Well AS, we learn something new every day!

AL:
if you are having a situation remarkably similar to mine than I am soo sorry

KM:
You are so cute Ashley!! You are the nicest person in the world!!

Ashley Schmidt:
AL, kind of, but not as creepy. I hope everything goes ok for you with that. Let me know if he bothers you. It's not too big of a deal, it's just something that has happened to me several times and I was just trying to figure out why. And KM, thanks, you're so sweet! I try, but of course I have my bad days too when I'm stressed and not so nice. Haha :) And, by the way, you're probably nicer than me!

Ashley Schmidt:
Just for an example: This semester in one of my classes, this nerdy guy (and I have a soft spot for nerds, come on, I'm pretty much a nerd!) picked me out for whatever reason on the 2nd day of class. I was introducing myself to the girls next to me and he introduced himself to us. Then, everyday after class, he was waiting out in the hall for me and I had no choice but to walk to my next class with him tagging along. And I obliged him with conversation and after a couple times, he asked if we could study some time and I was like, maybe, I don't know. And he was like, well I should get your number in case we need to meet up. So, what did I do? I gave it to him! Mistake. I told him I was very busy and blah blah blah. But he texted me every single day!! First, he asked stupid questions about class, and then about personal things like my schedule and where I live. Kinda creepy actually. He even texted me at midnight when I had work early the next morning and that really

Ashley Schmidt:
(continued)... pissed me off. So, he sat next to me in the next class and waited outside for me after, and I just pretended like I didn't see him and walked right on by. He still caught up to me and talked to me. But since then, he's stayed completely away. I guess he got the message. I know that was totally mean of me and I could've handled the situation differently, but now I know. Because this situation isn't even the main situation I was thinking about when I posted this staus. Anyways, thanks for your feedback guys and sorry I wrote so much!! Now I'm off to class! Yep, that one! haha

AL:
Some guys just come on too strong which is uncomfortable. Its a shame because it would be nice to just be friends.

KM:
I learned that when I was in high school, and a guy really really liked me, and I didn't like him at all, and instead of just saying.. I'm not interested.. I secretly planned for him to start flirted and dating my friend. Holy cow it totally worked. I than realized.. it would of been a lof faster if I just told him, so that is what I do! :)

Ashley Schmidt:
Yep, good thoughts gals!